Is someone else’s problem your problem? If, like so many others, you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else’s, you may be codependent–and you may find yourself in this book. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America’s best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency–charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness. Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, and Playing It by Heart.
Melody Beattie
January 1, 1986
229 pages
English
978-0894864025
File Size: 61 MB
Available File Formats: PDF AZW3 DOCX EPUB MOBI TXT or Kindle audiobook Audio CD(Several files can be converted to each other)
Language: English, Francais, Italiano, Espanol, Deutsch, chinese
In Newsweek magazine, Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books available today, calling it the “grandaddy of addiction tomes.””Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon….She understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift.”–TIME About the Author Beattie was a struggling single parent of two children and freelance author and journalist cranking out stories for a small-town daily newspaper in 1986 when she came up with a book idea. She wanted to write a book about what happens to people when they love someone who is addicted to alcohol and other drugs.”There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic. Nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted,” Beattie said. “Even though I was sober, I didn’t know how crazy I could get until it happened to me.” Twenty publishers turned down Beattie’s book proposal. “It’s a good idea, but we don’t think there’s that many codependents out there,” they wrote back.Hazelden, however, a treatment center and recovery publisher based in Minnesota, saw a need for the book. The publisher understood how families of alcoholics suffer and believed Beattie’s book idea would help people. Beattie marched to the welfare department, asked for enough financial help to make it through the three months it would take her to write the book, then locked herself in a basement office and cranked out Codependent No More. Codependent No More has now sold 3.5 million copies. Beattie has since written nine more books, five for major publishing houses on the east and west coasts. She relocated from Minnesota to California, and she has long-since paid back the welfare department. Beattie has appeared in the pages of Newsweek and People and has been a regular guest on Geraldo and Oprah. Playing It By Heart is Beattie’s first original book for Hazelden since 1990; the book is a return to her recovery roots that first brought her national recognition. <div id="
Unfortunately, this is a great book for a lot of people, but it is more religious based than I’m comfortable with.
I am a “I don’t leave reviews” Amazon user.This book is outstanding. Even if you are not a child or relative or friend of someone with substance issues, even if you do not consider yourself co-dependant, this book is wonderful for building self esteem and setting boundries, or generalized anxiery. After reading and meditating on it, I found myself saying no to things without a moment of second thought. And guess what, it didn’t kill anyone that I was saying no.
This book was a game-changer for me. I have struggled with codependency all of my life and never knew it. You do not have to be an alcoholic or be with an alcoholic to benefit from this. My type of codependency is being a caretaker and people-pleaser, always putting myself last to the point of jeopardizing my own heart, mind and soul. This brought so much to light and helped me open my eyes to things I was either unaware of, ignoring, or denying all together. Melody is an incredible writer and her passion for helping people out of the pit of this illness is genuine and transparent. She mixes truth, with real life experiences and allows herself to be vulnerable with us so we can see it is okay for us to be vulnerable with ourselves and others. I have her devotional as well, and it is a God-send to help me through each day.
I can sum up codependency in one sentence. It’s a corrupted sense of piety. If our modern times studied to embody the basic virtues of prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance, few of these books about codependency would be written. We, myself included, have forgotten what our ancestors have already figured out.It became tiresome to read and it made me feel more anxious. On page 107, under #5 point, the author describes how she asked her husband to watch her out the window as she went to her car because it was nighttime and her car was located in a dark alley in a rough part of town. She then stated this was unnecessary as God is watching over her. First of all, there is nothing wrong with asking someone to make sure you don’t get assalted. If you want to preach that God has your back remember too that God helps those who help themselves…so don’t be stupid and use common sense.The author seems to have written this in a state of hysteria. The extreme feminist ideology that is advocated in the book (since it seemed to be written more with women in mind) is completely unreasonable. In the Christian religion, there is little room for feminism. I worry about what she has to offer writing this book as she herself has not remarried…I’m not going to throw out the baby with the bath water. I will continue to read this book and read between the lines.To give some perspective, I was raised in an atheist nilalistic alcoholic family. Nothing was sacred. God is not a person. God is the result from a series of actions that one takes to create a heaven, in a sense, on earth. Study ethics, virtues, and morality and it will take you to a better conclusion then this book ever will. The Bible was not created by a scorned and bitter person.
I am not normally a fan of “self help” titles. I tend to cringe at the very thought, and to be honest I was doing just that when this was recommended to me. However, I like to keep an open mind so I dove in.Codependent No More did not feel like a guide book or advice being thrown around. It read with an eerie sense of familiarity. As I poured through the case studies, I found myself thinking “that is me!” or “I know this person!”. It was soon very obvious that I did not understand what being codependent meant. I had always viewed this as a negative label stuck on those whose loved one where addicts. But it is so much more. In fact this is a problem that effects many.I cannot recommend this title enough. If you are struggling, read it. If you know someone who struggles, read it. If you do not understand codependency, read it.There is something to be taken from Codependent No More for everyone. It is a refreshing perspective and read.
Yes, this book is absolutely helping me change my life. All these years of pain, trying to fix everything for everyone, whether they asked for it or not, anxiety, depression, craziness and then ultimately losing who I was completely and ignoring desperately needed self care. I now understand why I did the things I did. I saw myself in every page and every paragraph. This book is a huge step forward in self care! I feel understood, supported and encouraged. I’m learning and changing. It feels amazing. I give this book and “The Language of Letting Go” as gifts to my fellow codependent friends. I hope when they are ready that they read this. Because I KNOW it will help anyone who is codependent. I promise you that if you’re codependent and ready to live better that this book will help you!
This book has moments of accurately describing how a codependent thinks, but overall it really misses the mark. She writes as if a codependent is only a spouse of an alcoholic, drug addict, or criminal and that’s not what codependency is. A codependent is ANYONE who seeks their self worth, self value, self esteem, confidence, or even their entire identity from someone/something else – hence, the “dependency.” Another huge misstep in this book is her recommendation to pray to God for what you want but qualify the prayer with “not my will but thy will be done.” That was Jesus’ context-specific prayer to God and is not how God instructs believers to submit prayers of petition. As mentioned, while the author offers some decent information in spots, the overall message is inaccurate and misguided. I would not make any life decisions based on this book and instead advise readers to seek professional information on codependency.
Unless your issues are directly related to being in a relationship with an alcoholic then don’t bother!This is a very outdated take on the condition as it is now highly documented that there are other issues which lead to codependency, none of those are covered in this book. Loosely reference maybe, but not the sole focus is alcoholism.I grew very tired of having to decipher every single example given of someone with an alcoholic partner and try to relate it to my own non-alcohol based circumstance.I am also quite confused that the author began by saying she wanted to write a ‘’warm, gentle, non-judgemental book’’This is anything but!At least the first half of this book felt extremely judgemental of codependents, and as though you were under attack. Constant blaming and shaming. I found it quite difficult to stick with.It was only the second half of the book which actually covered what I was hoping it would – strategies for changing behaviours and how to do that… although still, every single case study and example related to people in relationships with alcoholics.Another thing I personally found annoying with this book is the authors lack of confidence in her own opinion and how she has to constantly and repeatedly reference other authors to back up what she is saying.A few here as there, fine! But the continual referencing of other authors to back up her point of view makes me feel like I would be better reading one of their books.Perhaps if my partner was a raging alcoholic then I may be leaving a rave review, but this is not the case so I feel this book was only 20% relevant and helpful to me.
Having recently come out of a relationship in which we were/are both codependent, I’ve been searching for an explanation as to why two people who love and adore each other can’t be happy. I’m not searching for that explanation any more as the clarity this book has given me is nothing short of spectacular. Thank you, Melody Beattie, for empowering me, giving me direction and focus, but mostly for giving me the chance to be happy.
I bought this book because I had seen a few bits about codependany and recognised myself in it but I didn’t get on too well with it. Almost all of the examples are about alcohol issues and I got a bit fed up with having to try and understand it from a different point of view, I think the author’s alcohol issues are the reason so if you’re looking for a book because someone close to you has the same issues it will be a good book to read, I just would have preferred a different slant in at least a few of the examples.
Well if I had any confusion about whether I am codependent, I don’t have now! Absolutely fascinating read, well opens your eyes and assists anyone seeking a psychic change
Got this as I realised at the age of 40 I had to stop going through the cycle of anxiety-anger with my mother who has been an alcoholic since my early childhood. I wish I had read it earlier as I came to realise how my character from an early age has been moulded as a result of someone else’s addiction. Am reading the book a second time and can thoroughly recommend it. The only thing that would have been helpful in my case, would be more practical advice / casestudies on how to detach from someone. It sounds easy in theory, but when you are enmeshed with family members and grandchildren are involved, it’s hard for us first-timers to know how to go about establishing boundaries and how much to cut involvement.
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